Sandwiched Between Two Generations.
Midlife and juggling responsibilities for ageing parents while still supporting adult children. In this scenario, we explore the challenges faced by the "sandwich generation". From navigating separations and new relationships, to addressing outdated wills, this story highlights why proactive planning and sound legal advice are essential.
Kate had a group of friends from university who she caught up with on a regular basis. Six of her friends who had all returned to the North Shore after their study met every two months, taking turns to host the friends. It was a time to reminisce, but also to share their day-to-day highlights and trials. Over the thirty years since they had graduated, they had shared stories of new relationships, marriages, children, promotions, redundancies and tragically the early death of one in their group.
Whenever Kate came home from the uni group catch up, it took her a while to unwind, but when she came home last night, she lay awake for ages thinking about the various situations that the women in the group were now in. One of her friends, Rachel, laughingly had said that they were now the “sandwich generation”, in their mid 50s, sandwiched between elderly parents and children who were no longer reliant on them for the day to day, but reliant on their parents to support them into the next stage of home ownership and having children.
Kate reflected on this and then thought about the friends within the group.
There was Rachel who had made the sandwich generation comment. Rachel’s parents were in their late 70s, and Rachel had spent many hours visiting various retirement villages with them before finding one which was appropriate for the needs of her mother who was unwell and would soon need hospital care, but also her father who was young for his years and needed a lot of social interaction. Coupled with that, Rachel’s older daughter was looking to purchase her own home with her partner. Rachel and her husband were looking to help their daughter and her partner into their home, but while they were asset rich, they were cash poor and needed some advice as to how they could help their daughter without compromising their own position.
Nicola’s father had recently been diagnosed with dementia. Nicola’s mother had been looking after him at home and neither Nicola nor her brother had realised how bad her dad actually was. No one had thought about the legal documents that might make things easier to deal with her dad’s assets. While Nicola’s parents owned their family home jointly, all their investments were in her dad’s sole name. At the last doctor’s appointment, the doctor had said that Nicola’s dad no longer had capacity to make his own financial decisions and queried whether powers of attorney were in place. Nicola’s mum had looked at the doctor blankly. She had always just assumed that she would be able to access their assets or at least sign on behalf of her husband. They soon learned that was not the case and Nicola and her mother had been to see a lawyer to help them make an application to the court for Nicola’s mother to be a property manager for her husband.
Mel and her husband had recently separated. Kate had always thought that they had seemed happy enough, but Mel had recently confided that this was not the case.
They were now going through a messy separation – Mel’s husband had a new partner already and while Mel had thought they would be able to sort things out amicably, that did not seem to be the case. Mel and her husband had multiple trusts with various assets and now her children who were in their mid 20s had taken advice as to their rights within the trusts. The dispute between Mel and her husband had now become a family dispute which was incredibly upsetting for Mel.
Kate reflected on the situations her friends were in, and was grateful for her own relatively calm life, but worried for her friends. The sandwich generation had so much going on, it felt like a mix of legal advice and life advice. Then Kate remembered that she and her husband had never made wills – they had drafted them when they purchased their first home all those years ago but had got stuck on who would be guardians of their then toddler children. Those children were now in the mid 20s, and the wills were still not finalised. Kate vowed to make an appointment with their lawyer the next morning.
If you feel you could use some specialist advice for your personal situation contact our Trusts & Wealth Protection Team.
